For Someone Who Doesn't Like Lemonade...

I've sure had to make a lot of it this past year.

We moved clear across the country for a job I lost exactly 5 months later. I found another great, full time job soon thereafter, which went through huge management changes and overturned the entire staff 4 months after I started. Then, I went two months desperately searching for work, in an area that is EXQUISITELY beautiful and amazing, yet extremely lacking any sort of job market. During that time, I was offered an incredible opportunity to move back to Ireland which I turned down because Kiel was in such a good place with his company here; one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. Then, two months later, Kiel and I separated. I wish I could say that it was a mutual decision and we came to it on amicable terms, but I just can't. I do not believe that marriage is something you can "decide" isn't for you; that's not how I was raised nor how I want to live my life. Marriage is not always easy, but compromise and selflessness are small prices to pay for what can and should be the most rewarding gift. If things aren't how you like them, you make changes. If something is broken, you fix it. To make a long, emotional, painful, and astonishing story short: both spouses need to make changes and make those fixes. Unfortunately for me and my marriage, that was not the case.

I'm not writing this blog to ask for sympathy or to bad mouth anyone; I simply felt the need (and push by SO MANY of you) to resurface and clear the air.

Since November, I have been living with a friend who is more understanding and sympathetic to this situation than I ever could have imagined and having her to talk to and share with has helped me in more ways than I could ever list. I have surrounded myself with people who are positive and happy and continuously remind me that I am going to make it out of this not just alive, but so much better than before. I started working for a large, well-known insurance brokerage in October, and by diving headfirst into my job with such an enhanced passion for success I have seen so many new and exciting opportunities for my career. To say I have been blessed these past few months is an understatement. What could and should be the lowest time in my life has turned into one of the happiest, and I have SO many people to thank for that.

I'd like to be able to say I'm going to get back to blogging regularly, but I just don't know if I can. I really am trying to take this time to focus more on enjoying my life and BEING happy than making sure to document every moment and making sure to fill my days with activities and events that are blog-worthy. I went back through months and months of my old posts, and after reading all of the fun stuff we DID, it was easy to see how I could have overlooked the way that we FELT. It's hard to see that your marriage isn't what it should be when you spend every waking minute planning fun things to do and places to go. As they say, you live and you learn.

And add just enough sugar.